by Denise Dykstra
We are smack dab in the middle of sports season here at our home.
I am regularly reminding my boys to write their schedule or plans on the calendar. Because it’s not just sports season, it’s teenager season. The boys have the craziest of busy social schedules as well as the sports schedules.
On any given day, I am trying to figure out who can eat dinner at what time. Dinner is regularly some sort of “okay, dinner is easy to reheat so when you get home, get a plate of (fill in the blank).”
Back when I worked at a library and all four of my boys were involved in something, I had my family wall calendar (yes, I still use a paper wall calendar), all the schedules of my boys and the work calendar spread out on the checkout counter. I was trying to come up with some sort of way to get it all figured out.
I was feeling very overwhelmed and those tears of overwhelm were beginning to pool in my eyes. One of my favorite patrons came into the library to pick out another new release book. Because I was always too busy trying to do all the things, I rarely took time to read and Barb would let me know if the new book was good and recommendable or not.
She looked at me with all the calendars all over the counter and offered me a smile. “It’s hard to figure it out right now, but you need to find a way to enjoy this season you are in. It’s over before you know it and you’ll be glad you took the time to enjoy it rather than wish it all away,” she told me.
Her words took deep root in my heart. Even on the days I find myself complaining, I usually can catch myself in time to also remember to soak in the good of it all as well. Finding the joy in the everyday, if you would.
This season finds our senior breaking through the goals he sets for himself at every cross country race and I could not be more ecstatic for him. Because our school does not bus the cross country runners and every race seems to be a solid 30 to 45 minute drive, I get to have one on one time with my son at least once a week. I know this time with him is very quickly coming to an end and I am relishing every moment. Seeing his big grin when he shaves another 20 seconds off his run is an added bonus.
Our sophomore son is having a phenomenal year in football. Because there is a referee shortage, we have watched football games on a Monday, Thursday, Saturday and sometimes even a Friday. We are currently joking that the football schedule changes hourly, but some days it really seems it does! While it is hard to schedule anything, right now being flexible IS our schedule.
Watching this team we have watched since rocket football clicking on the field and singing a fight song after another victory is so much fun. We remember full well when our school’s football team cheered and lined the street when we had finally won ONE football game and now they are currently undefeated.
After having a season of the boys not playing sports last year, every meet and game feels like it should be one to be celebrated fully. Having our boys, and their teammates, have phenomenal seasons makes it all the better.
But we are also still running on fumes over here. Still saying “I am so tired” nearly every day. I have lost count how many times I have fallen asleep on the couch waiting for someone to come home or trying to have some time together watching a movie or a game on tv late at night in this season.
And yet, even these years later, I am still reminded of what that patron told me. This woman I see at so many of her grandchildren’s games, I don’t think I could ever thank her enough for that advice. It’s advice I have passed on to other tired moms as well. It’s advice I am still reminding myself of.
What is some advice you have received right when you needed it most that made a lasting impact on you?
Denise,
Never apologize for your paper calendar. When we lived in Wayland we had a large chalk board mounted on the kitchen wall where we wrote everyone’s schedules for all to see. It was the best way we could keep track of each other with two working parents and two boys with schedules like your kids’.
We still use the wall-mounted calendar in our AZ home for the same reasons, though now it seems to record more of our doctors’ appointments than anything else. (Grandboys games are there, too, depending on the season.)
The best advice I ever got was when my boys were very small. My mother was visiting and helping out, but since she lived far away and didn’t visit often, she didn’t know my routines or my ways of doing things. I was about to complain about her not doing things “right” when I happened to read Ann Landers’ column, where the bottom line of advice she was giving was this:
When someone is doing you a favor, big or small, do not complain how it is being done. It is a favor, therefore it is a gift or their time and effort, and even if it’s done wrong, it’s done from the heart. I’ve lived those words ever since. And I’ve added to it. If you complain about a favor someone is extending to you, you’re quite an ass. Shut your mouth and smile!!!
Haha! Now that IS some good advice!
I would be lost without my wall calendar! It has EVERYTHING on it including our meals for for the week.
Thank you so much for sharing your advice AND being a wall calendar fan!
Thanks for your excellent column, Denise! You asked for examples of advice that we received when we needed it the most. Here’s what stuck with me: Years ago I shared with an older colleague the challenges my spouse and I were facing while juggling our work and volunteer schedules to support our kid’s increasing school and after-school activities. He pointed out how lucky I was, and that I’d better treasure every activity moment with our kids, for that time goes by much too fast. And I should also be grateful that we weren’t picking them up from jail. How right he was!
Ha! That is a good one too!! With our two oldest moving out already, I am very aware with my last two how quickly the time goes. Thank you for sharing this!