Now I’m not one to go around spreading rumors,

I’m just not the gossipy kind,

You’ll never hear me repeating gossip,

So you’d better listen close, the first time.

— Legendary TV show “Hee Haw”

Hee Haw salutes East Grand Rapids, Michigan: SALUTE

Poor Don.
You’ve gotta feel bad for the guy. Being president of the United States sounded like more fun that it’s turning out to be. And so many people are picking on him, even though he’s just beginning. Why are so many being so mean?

I suppose people are jealous of his wealth – forgetting that he only got a small loan of $1,000,000 from daddy, to get started. Compared, say, to what my dad left me: good advice. Sure, Donny got some valuable business contacts, too. And he got a nice inheritance, too, but that came later. I wouldn’t have turned that down, would you? So don’t blame Don for his good fortune.

He must have some nice qualities, otherwise would three women have married him? I know, Ivana said he raped her, but that was a long time ago. As was all his bragging about sexual assault, or as he termed it “pussy grabbing.” And his surveying the dressing rooms of the Miss Teen USA pageant in order to find “beautiful teen aged girls” undressed. Perhaps it was creepy to have said what he said about the sexual desirability of his daughter Ivanka on the Howard Stern show. But would those who listen to Howard Stern really be offended?

It’s widely known that Don has very few friends. That’s why he claims to be friends with people that disavow his claim – but doesn’t that just show us how much he needs to feel some kindness? Some adulation? Some love? Clearly he needs this more than most people, and isn’t that reason why we should be a little gentler with him?

In the same way, he seems to crave attention. Isn’t that why he makes outlandish claims? For years he claimed his predecessor was born outside the U.S., despite things like birth records to the contrary. What evidence was there for that claim? Remember how he sent a team of private investigators to Hawaii to get to the bottom of the story, and reveal the truth? Eventually, years later, he admitted what the birth certificate verified.

Here’s another example: Don claimed that his administration would repeal and replace Obamacare. That was before taking office. Once in office, he asked, surprisingly, who knew heath care would be so complicated? His plan, he’d said, would cover every American, have lower premiums, and would be much, much better coverage. It would be beautiful. What could that have been but an effort to have us like him?

Disregard the Congressional Budget Office (CBO) assessment of the plan under consideration, that 24 million Americans would lose health care coverage, that health insurance for those over 60 could “skyrocket.” One example pointed toward a man over 60, under Medicare age, earning $26,000 per year. His insurance premium would jump from $1,700 to $14,000. That doesn’t sound beautiful to me.

Built into the plan was a huge tax cut for the wealthiest of Americans, the top 2% earning more than $250,000 annually. That would be beautiful, if I was in that bracket. What Don promised was, on its face, wildly unrealistic. Every American gets much better care, and pays lower premiums, and taxes go down, at least for some. He said that because he so wants us love him. Small irony: rural low income people would be among those hurt worst by this.

Here’s another thing: now he says that Obama guy was wiretapping him. Again, he thinks people are picking on him and not loving him enough. And maybe it’s true. Nothing to support the claim has been revealed, but that doesn’t mean there is no evidence. If Obama wiretapped him, that’s a serious problem. If he didn’t, and Don is making it up, that’s a serious problem, too. Odd, isn’t it, that when Don came to believe that such a lapse had occurred, he would take to Twitter, rather than call the FBI or DOJ. Again, clearly, the man needs our love and approval.

The evidence hasn’t been produced yet, as I write this. Sean Spicer said he didn’t mean “wiretap”, but something else. Wiretap was in air quotes, Spicer said, meaning Not-Wiretap, but something other than wiretap. Also, it wasn’t meant that Obama did it, but other (unspecified) people were the culprits. It wasn’t wiretapping, and it wasn’t

Obama, but otherwise the White House stands by the shocking revelation we saw in the Tweet and follow-up Tweets. Even Kellyanne Conway wouldn’t take his side on that one, which just shows how much Don needs us to love and support him. Remember, he got a lot of votes in the election. He was only about three million short of his opponent in the popular vote. It was very close. He won the Electoral College, so he is president, like it or not.

Were there really three million votes cast by illegible non-citizens? We don’t know for sure, do we? Were there were busloads going to New Hampshire to vote illegally? We don’t know for sure. It can’t be proven that that didn’t happen.

He’s sad. Bigly. The leader of Russia referred to him as a “useful idiot.” Now that’s gotta hurt, especially if you consider the man a friend. Those rumors of Russian prostitutes and two girls providing “urination performances” are persistent.

Now I’m not one to go around repeating gossip – so you’d better listen good the first time. I deplore gossip and rumor mongering, no matter who is doing it. Even me. But the whole Russian thing is awkward.

And also the fact that Gen. Michael Flynn was a lobbyist for Turkey – oops. Apparently extreme vetting wasn’t quite extreme so enough when it came to National Security Advisor. Who would think you’d have to take a peek at someone up for such a big deal job?

So let’s all try to go a little easier on Don. He needs our love and adulation. Sincerity is important, and if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.