by Phyllis McCrossin
Pearls of wisdom from my father: “You mustn’t be angry.” — I can still hear those words from my father.
It was one of his favorite lines for us when we took issue with something. It was his way of telling us to stay calm and carry on because to do otherwise was not considered “lady-like.”
While Mom might tell us ours would be the moral victory, Dad would tell us (in his own way) it wasn’t cool to lose your cool. Especially in public.
I know my father got angry. It was easy to tell when he was mad. His eyebrows would kind of knit together and I swear they actually grew bushy.
Most of the time Dad’s “tells” were the only time you knew he was mad. And being the good daughters (there were four of us) we were, we learned to back off. Not that he was a violent man, Dad never, ever was. But was not expected or allowed to test his limits. It’s a generational thing I guess.
There were, however, also a few times when we witnessed Dad’s full wrath.
Like the time a drunk crossed the center line in Hamilton and sideswiped our 1964 Plymouth convertible. It was late at night and Dad made a u-turn on the highway and chased the drunk down M-40 (south of Allegan). When he caught up with him near Dunningville, Dad had him pull over and told him to follow him to the sheriff’s department. Dad was quite dumbfounded when the drunk took off again.
Dad was even more angry when he drove to the Allegan County Sheriff’s Department and reported the accident. Dad gave the deputy the license plate number and apparently he felt the deputy showed a lack of concern. Dad was pretty hot. Weeks later when no charges were brought against the driver because -— as the prosecuting attorney put it, “You can’t arrest a license plate” — Dad was ummmm, very, very angry and the county prosecutor was forever on Dad’s “shit list.”
Dad had two “shit lists.” The short-term one and the forever one. I believe my sisters and I all made it to Dad’s short-term list at one time or another. The county prosecutor remained on his “forever” list.
But Dad’s admonitions for not getting angry were geared to help us. Because let’s face it… displays of anger only serve to make one look like an ass. And that type of reputation is hard to live down.
I once witnessed a co-worker punch a computer monitor. Yes. He punched a computer monitor. This same gentleman had thrown pens that bounced off equipment and pelted another co-worker in the head. We all watched in bemused disbelief as he pounded himself in the head and kicked wastebaskets.
When we talked about this person at work it is always with a smirk. Few people mention what a good copy editor he was.
It is only now I realize how right Dad was. You mustn’t get angry. And I’d like to add to it… It only serves to make you look stupid… or worse.
