I overcome challenges to my rose colored glasses

by Denise Dykstra

When I walked into the kitchen, it was snow white.  The giggles had led me there, and here I was staring at my two nearly naked boys tossing powdered sugar into the air.  It was as if it had snowed but better than snow as it was warm and the powdered sugar was much sweeter than snow.

I had this moment where I just felt like crying.  You would think I would be used to these mom life moments by now but the realization that “Wait, I am the adult here so I am the one responsible for cleaning up this sticky mess” still took me by surprise.

After the boys were cleaned and plopped in front of a sure to entertain them movie, I got to work on cleaning the mess up (have you ever tried to clean up wet powdered sugar on a hot day?).  As I scrubbed the kitchen and made dinner, I fought tears.  Being a mom was hard. Exhausting, really.

“How could I tell this and make it a good story?” I wondered.

By the time I had finished cleaning up the mess, I had rewritten the whole story in my mind.  I concentrated on the boys’ laughter as they tossed the powdered sugar in the air and threw the powdered sugar “snow” at each other.  I admired my now very clean kitchen.  We had all made a memory on this day.  I sat at my computer and typed out an email I sent to parents – which I guess was how I began the early stages of blogging.

My mom has always told me that I wear rose colored glasses and for a lot of years, that prescription on my rose colored glasses was very strong.

When I was a mommy blogger, I had the uncanny talent of taking any situation and making it fun.  I am the one on the trip that when you had run out of all options and it seemed that doom was for sure the next step, I would have some happy tidbit of optimism to share.

I’ll admit it is a pretty pleasant way to spend your life.

But it wasn’t always necessarily real.

When the mommy blogging days were all but wrapped up, I found myself living our life in just living.  Because I was not always thinking of a way to make a moment more fun in the writing, I began to feel the feels.  When things were hard or sad or happy or exciting, I just felt them fully as they were.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Just the moment as it was.

It was in that feeling that I began to experience real joy.  It was in all the feeling that I learned how to seek out the joy.

We recently traveled to Mississippi.  We were there to have some fun, yes, but the reason for the visit was to drop our second oldest off at his base in Mississippi.  The morning we were to take him back, I poured a cup of strong coffee and went to the porch of the air bnb we were staying at.  That little porch was my favorite spot in the house and I sat there trying really hard not to cry, thanking God for the time we had had down there, being super proud of my son’s military choice but having my mama heart break all at the same time.

I felt every one of those emotions big and I needed a moment to pull myself together and just sort of think on it all.  As I sat there, one by one my sons and my husband all came out to join me.  We crammed ourselves onto the one small step and, yes, we got tears in our eyes but mostly we laughed.  We took a photo that is by far my most favorite photo of the whole trip.  And when I look at it I just feel that deep joy pour over me.

I felt that joy so much because I felt that sadness so deeply.  It is difficult to explain how your heart can feel all the heaviness of pain and also feel as light as a feather in joy.  But it happens.

Had I tried to concentrate on that retelling the moment happier, I would have left out the sadness and in leaving out the sadness, I would have completely missed the joy.

I hope this column is a journey for us to go on together.  I have to search out joy every day – thus the title, Everyday Joys – and it has made all the difference. Oh sure, I still have some great stories to share with you and I look forward to hearing your stories as well.  I hope you share with me your Everyday Joys.

Let’s start now.  Tell me, what is something that brought you joy this week?