by Lynn Mandaville
Could Be Worse by James Stevenson was published a lifetime ago (my grown children’s lifetimes ago) in 1977. A Reading Rainbow selection on PBS, this wonderful story is a lesson in measuring the degrees of horribleness in any life situation.
The main character is Grandpa, a seemingly dull old man whose daily routine includes the same breakfast every day followed by the same boring routine. No matter what horror befalls him (a lost slipper) or his grandkids, his response is always “Could be worse.”
Grandpa is finally asked to tell the kids HOW it could be worse, when a favorite sneaker has a hole in it, or a kite gets stuck in a tree.
So grandpa tells them, in delightful detail, how life could be worse… if a giant gorilla were to throw a one ton snowball at them, or if a giant bird of prey were to swoop down and carry all of them off to its nest high in the Himalaya Mountains!
For kids this is a playful way to look at how some of childhood’s worst episodes, looked at from the perspective of wild hyperbole, aren’t really so bad. It’s a valuable life lesson in coping.
But right now each of us is living in his or her personal dilemma of COVID-19. And depending on which of the virus’s consequences has befallen us, it can be hard to imagine HOW it could possibly be worse.
As of today’s writing (Thursday, May 7, 2020) more than 30 million people have filed for unemployment benefits since the pandemic began. That’s a whole lot of people who are wondering how it “could be worse.”
A lot of small businesses are struggling to keep their heads above water, what with mandatory closings for a protracted period of time. In the face of losing the business, it’s devastating to consider what “could be worse.”
Many people are looking at foreclosures on their homes, or repossession of their cars. Others are piling up debt in loans or on credit cards while they wait for unemployment benefits to kick in, or for their jobs to be reinstated. What “could be worse?”
Aside from the crippling financial anxieties people are feeling, there are the fears some of us have of just catching the virus. We know from news stories that this virus could be nothing at all, or it could mean long, lingering time on a ventilator followed by death alone in an ICU. Not a bright prospect, the latter. What “could be worse?”
None of what Americans (or anyone in the world, for that matter) are feeling can be coaxed away by the whimsical watercolor paintings in a child’s book of a pterodactyl-sized bird soaring away with us in its talons to a massive nest high in some mountains we’ve never heard of.
For too many of us, right now nothing “could be worse.”
And that condition of anxiety and fear is bringing out the worst in some of us.
It’s understandable.
The losses so far, financial and physical, have created fears for what worse will follow. And those of us who haven’t experienced these losses have fears that we soon will.
Unfortunately, fear breeds inexcusable acts.
So when a man in Dollar Tree store who is asked to wear a face covering wipes his running nose on the sleeve of an employee, we can understand his anger stemming from his frustration stemming from his fears. But we can’t really excuse such a disgusting reaction.
And when three men, in response to one of their wives being denied entrance to a Dollar Store in Flint because she won’t put on a face mask, gun down and kill the employee who asked her to comply with a state order, we can understand it where this response came from (undeniably inappropriate though it is), but we sure can’t excuse it.
We can’t excuse these behaviors because, underneath the fears, we are rational adults. With patience and time we can mull over these impulse acts and decide not to commit them.
These impulse acts can, actually, be worse than our fears, because they pile on more misery and harm to an already bad situation.
I mention this because I see these protests at state capitals as impulsive acts born out of fear that only serve to make matters worse.
I get that people want and need to get back to work. Something like 80% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck, and that’s a horrible situation in and of itself.
And I get that, depending on which state you live in, there are prohibitions on employment that just don’t make any sense because of their inconsistency or hypocrisy.
And I get that for some of us it isn’t the end of the world to stay away from situations we think will put us at risk of catching the virus.
The question becomes how do we, as reasonable adults, take into account others’ feelings and express our sympathy and compassion? How do we acknowledge that each other’s plights, at this time, couldn’t be worse, and cut them a little slack? How do we set aside our very real fears and anxieties and think about the other guy before we act out?
As usual, I can’t speak for others.
I’m a retired senior citizen. I like my solitary time at home where my health isn’t at risk. I can shop during “seniors only” hours at the grocery store. I don’t need to go to public gatherings. My biggest sacrifices at this time, in order of personal pain, are not having seen my grandsons in seven weeks (though they live only four miles away), and not being able to volunteer at the library. Viewed in the greater scheme of things there are so many things that could be worse.
So I have time to ponder how awful it must be to be stuck at home when a person derives more than just that very important paycheck from his or her job. The workplace is a social place where friends are engaged in work that gives them value and is a shared experience. Loss of pay is bad enough. Add to that the loss of the people with whom you laugh and cry and kick around your frustrations. Not much could be worse.
I have time to consider how it must feel to see a business you’ve nurtured for many years slip away due to conditions out of your control. Great customer service, best business practices, and long, long hours can’t make up for a virus that makes people stay away.
When I think of all these things that are so much worse than my fear of being exposed to COVID-19, my perspective becomes much clearer.
My only word to those who are tempted to act in ways that serve to threaten a spike in the number of cases of coronavirus is this:
For health professionals who cope willingly with the daily strife of other people’s calamities, the thing that can be and is worse than a “normal” crisis like a school bus accident or a mass shooting is this COVID-19 pandemic.
Maybe if we take their situations into consideration we’ll be saner responders to our own fears and make less selfish decisions.
Maybe, just maybe, the plight of first responders and medical workers could be worse than our own situations.
And considering that fact alone could serve to govern our actions despite our fears.
Thank you for the perspective. I need to remind myself that these people (non-mask wearing, not social distancing people) are frightened and acting out as a result. My friend almost got into a tussle at a gas station, after he verbally confronted other another customer about his lack of consideration concerning his failure to mask up, to maintain social distance, etc. John wrestled in high school and in college. We weights about 200 pounds, and is a serious weightlifting and fitness buff. The other customer saw just another old guy, I suppose. Tensions seem to be mounting.
Basura
If someone was to verbally accost me for no wearing a mask. Yes. No matter how big or young they are, we have a problem.
It’s still a free country… If you are uncomfortable because I am not wearing a mask, move away. I will not crowd you, but I have the same rights as anyone.
That is until our governor decides everyone will be arrested for not wearing a mask once they leave their home.
If you are that frightened, stay locked in your house… it’s proven you can survive locked away for ages. Let us who want to live like we did before this virus do so.
If you leave us alone… by your beliefs we will all die. Then you can come out of your lockdown and not be bothered by us.
But what if we still live… how are you going to handle that?
Mr. Smit,
Respectfully, I think you may have made my point. Basura’s friend acted out verbally because of his fear of the virus, a fear that may prove to be well-founded because we still know so little about COVID-19. The man he accosted, it seems, may have been threatening as a result of being challenged, because his belief may prove true because we still know so little about COVID-19.
The tone of your response to Basura feels angry. It appears to suggest that your fear is of your rights as a citizen being infringed upon.
Thus, my point.
Everyone is afraid of something in light of this pandemic. I understand Basura’s friend being afraid of the disease. I am, too, so I wear a mask in public and isolate as much as possible. I miss my son and daughter-in-law and their little boys, who also fear the disease, because both work in the medical field (she on the front lines) and have seen the scary stuff.
But none of us holds a grudge against those who choose to remain unmasked and out and about. Nor do we believe violating stay-at-home orders is a jailable offense. And certainly, none of us wants anyone to die of this virus who claims his right to violate orders they believe are unconstitutional.
My message was that each of us needs to take the time to walk in the other guy’s philosophical shoes. To take a deep breath or two before acting out or getting on our high horses.
Fear puts us on edge, and that’s just one more piece of poo to throw on the manure pile of what we are already experiencing.
Peace and health to you, sir.
Your comment “… 80% of people live paycheck to paycheck” – where have you been? At least during the past 3+ years they had a job, compared to very few during the Obama years. Many people do live from paycheck to paycheck because of:
1) Federal and state taxes and fees eat a large portion of pay.
2) They have no idea how (or why) to save.
3) Poor lifestyle choices. How many young people have plenty of tattoos but no cash?
4) Max. out credit cards instead of using cash.
5) Don’t spend excessive amounts on depreciating assets.
I saw a young couple in the grocery store, probably in their mid-late 20’s. Both had tats all over, smelled like ashtrays (or worse) and went through 2 credit cards before finding credit approved on the 3rd.
When we were young, we made some stupid mistakes with money. Luckily, we found out the secret (pay your bills, whatever is left, save a portion and use the remainder for household/personal expenses. We struggled at times but hung in there.
I’m not an expert, but that is how I was raised. Nothing hard to understand, just do it and you’ll improve your finances.
DTOM Your last sentence explains a lot. Many of today’s younger people were not raised to think about anything other than the present. Thank goodness they are not all like that.
Regarding your comments about federal and state taxes; those amounts deducted from paychecks is a small amount compared to their return. How far do you think the amount of taxes YOU pay would go toward building or even maintaining a road? How many teachers could you hire with just the amount of school taxes YOU pay?
You mention spending excessive amounts on depreciating assets. Look at some of the adults around you. Is it really necessary to have a snowmobile and a jet-ski and an ATV? Are these the role models we need for today’s youth?
The very fact that you brought in the name of Obama indicates the real reason you even bothered to post your comment. When will you learn that not everything has to be political? When you go to a doctor, do you ask whether that person is a Republican or a Democrat? Should people be judged if they are suitable for a job based on their political leanings? All this political CRAP is so divisive at so many levels that very little of any value really gets done.
So many of us (middle aged and old alike) have never taught our children the simple lessons of RESPECT and COURTESY. There will always be a difference of opinion among our nation, but if we practice respect and courtesy we can still get the job done.
Pat, a big thumbs up to your comments!