by Lynn Mandaville
Sometimes the way my mind works jars me.
Such was the case this morning.
I’d had another, all-too-regular break in the night. Two hours of insomnia from two to four AM.
I couldn’t turn my brain off. I was actually thinking about our president’s feelings! Can you imagine? I’ve written before about my personal dislike of Donald Trump for his character flaws and failings. I’ve been hyper-critical of him by citing the facts about his psyche being abnormal, off-kilter, even sociopathic.
And yet, for some reason during the night, I was thinking about Trump more in terms of a wounded child. (I’m not referring here to the repeated claims that Trump is a big baby, a spoiled brat, and the other taunts aimed at his lack of emotional maturity.) I was wondering what effect, if any, the national dump-on-Trump tendency was having on him. It has certainly caused strong reactions by him. What has it been doing to his mental well-being?
I got up later in the morning and checked my Facebook feed and was barraged with memes about Trump’s faux pas during his Independence Day address. One after another after another piled on to the president about the misstep (misspeak?) regarding airport defense during the Revolutionary War.
Even my sister, who lives in Canada as a dual citizen, sent me an article from The Guardian filled with the “intellectual” bullying done by those whose history creds allow for more sophisticated taunts.
I have no doubt that my thoughts here and now will make some liberals take offense, and some conservatives smile with hypocritical glee. My intent is to provoke thought about ourselves at our deepest cores. Because I have seen a darkness in myself that I really dislike, and I need to purge it.
When First Lady Melania Trump at long last took the courageous step to put forth her own platform for the nation, she was met with sharp criticism, derision, sarcasm and cruelty. She chose to address bullying. It has been an ironic choice, seeing that she is married to one of the world’s most accomplished bullies. Was it her choice, or was she ill-advised by her “people?” Was it a purposeful dig at her husband, or an attempt to reach him to exact a change in behavior? We’ll never know. But her being bullied for choosing to address bullying is a wry ambiguity in the American psyche.
A recent and reliable poll has determined that virtually no one in America, right or left, denies that our president is a liar. Even his staunchest supporters admit that he lies with ease and frequency. I would dare suggest that the same holds true for an agreement that Donald Trump is a bully. Left or right, we either cringe or sneer when Trump assigns a derogatory nickname to an opponent or critic, or when Trump refers to him or her as “a disaster.” Like it or hate it, Trump is clearly an accomplished, all-opportunity bully.
I include myself in loathing that quality about Trump while I still laugh at barbs made at him. Though I don’t actually call him names, I have not been above “liking” a joke or meme about his particular flubs, shortcomings, missteps, narcissism, or outright disregard for our government, its Constitution, or humanity in general. In short, I have been guilty of the old “do as I say, not as I do” philosophy where bullying is concerned. I participate in the enjoyment of name-calling and hum
iliation where DJT is concerned.
And today I am ashamed.
Let it be clear that bullying and criticizing are not the same thing.
Bullying has the intent of causing hurt — emotional and psychological hurt — to its target. Criticism, on the other hand, is meant to be the shedding of light on a behavior or ideology that is flawed or destructive in nature. Bullying is committed in an emotionally charged environment, whereas criticism can, and ought to be, delivered in an unemotional manner meant to elicit change, hopefully through compassion.
And let me interject another caveat, that of gallows humor meant to diffuse troubling truths or emotional situations. This sort of black comedy does have a positive psychological purpose as a means of catharsis when dealing with things that are personally abhorrent. But black comedy is, in my opinion, best delivered through art forms such as literature, performing arts, or cartooning (i.e., political cartoons). But when gallows humor is offered in a large public forum such as social media, it is, again in my opinion, participation in a form of gang-bullying in absentia.
Liberals like myself are quick to criticize the act of bullying, but, too often, we are also quick to turn into bullies ourselves. We laugh at memes, we “like” them, we share them, we even create our own. And when we do so we are perpetuating the practice.
Though we might be tempted to rationalize our behavior with “well, he (Trump) started it,” it doesn’t change the fact that we have lowered ourselves to his level. It doesn’t change the truth our parents taught us when we were children that two wrongs don’t make a right.
It’s my intention from this day forward to simply not respond in any way to memes intended to belittle, scorn, or ridicule anyone, regardless of whether I may personally hold him or her in contempt.
The First Lady is correct that we must “Be Best.” In spite of the irony, we need to heed her words to be better than those who bully. When we revert to juvenile behavior we diminish the importance of emotional maturity and the establishment of standards that raise us above our basest impulses.
We liberals are hit with the label of hypocrites when we engage in what has become normalized under our current president, and I won’t be part of it any more.
Anybody with me?
