(Review of Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets)

Currently in wide release

*** out of five stars

by Walter G. Tarrow

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (Luc Besson – The Professional, The Fifth Element, Lucy) reminded me of Gene Shalit’s one-liner about Stanley Kubrick’s Barry Lyndon — “A feast for the eyes. A famine for the mind.”

But don’t get me wrong. I’m not putting Valerian in the same universe as Kubrick, or even in Barry’s world for that matter. The film exists smack dab at the center of the brightly candy coated kaleidoscopic mind’s eye world of the very very French Luc Besson.

But drawing from the French comic series denied Besson any insights beyond the two dimensions of the illustrated page as to the characters of Valerian and Laureline. That omission left him to his own devices, and when Luc is left to his own devices, that has proven, on occasion, to be very dangerous. As is evidenced in the epic fail that is the casting of the two leads.

Left without strong characterizations, he has been given license, a la Jodorowsky, to vomit freely and openly every chunk of his cacophonous acid trip. And that’s what I liked about this movie.

After a restrained and elegant opening sequence which takes us from the beginnings of mankind’s flight off world, with the building of the first space station through its evolution into the City of a Thousand Planets, Besson assaults and overwhelms us with countless variations of life and place.

But the scenes introducing us, with a simple repeated handshake, to the species of the stars stand apart from the rest of the film.

As does the second segment taking us to one of those species and their idyllic planet. It is a delightfully enchanting and meditative visit until that contemplative bliss is shattered and soon forgotten after a planet-wide attack destroys their paradise and our peace of mind.

What follows is an action filled adventure that gives us more to resent and less to appreciate. Dane DeHaan (Chronicle, A Cure for Wellness) and Cara Delevingne (Suicide Squad, Paper Towns) are the Ken and Barbie of action heroes. Well, DeHaan is not so much a Ken as he is, and that’s his whole acting vibe and strength, a Droopy the dog. And we’ve never needed that kind of another hero, especially in a film like this one. Delevingne IS a Barbie and postures more than acts the part of the princess heroine.

After all, and this says it all, the ultimate goal of these two is to hit the beach.

Clive Owen (Children of Men, King Arthur) is wasted, but hopefully collected a nice paycheck for his few minutes onscreen.

Rihanna, as the shape shifter Bubble, offers a quieter eye pleasing diversion, much like a Pixar short.

Take your brain out of gear and let the visuals, best in 3-D, wash over you and dissipate and you may find the experience as enjoyable and fleeting as a ride at Disney World.

Leave your brain in gear and you enter at your own peril.