“Go and hear the candidates debate” — Simon & Garfunkel, “Mrs. Robinson.”

I’ve covered political candidate forums for almost as long as I’ve been a community journalist, more than 40 years, and I’ve rarely come away from any of them with a better understanding of the issues and candidates.

Sorry, but too often these well-meaning exercises turn out to be no better than dog and pony shows. Too often they do not illuminate crucial differences in policy and issues, but instead deteriorate into beauty contests.

One of my first forums, in October 1976 between two hopefuls for county commissioner, was one of the best because they clearly demonstrated how their positions were different. One of the worst was in 1994 when the Natural Law Party invaded with a basketful of fringe candidates hogging the microphone, relegating the more serious candidates to only introducing themselves.

Perhaps one of the better ones was last April at Wayland Middle School, when seven candidates for the Democratic nomination for Sixth District Congress appeared and spoke. Yet even that program was dominated by virtually all the contestants agreeing on virtually all of the issues.

That reminded me of one of my favorite audience quotes, which was uttered during a GOP forum in 2000 for 87th District State Representative between Gary Newell and Jim Bailey. Middleville farmer Bob Wenger, a county commissioner, told both of them, “There’s not a dime’s worth of difference between you two. I wasted my time coming here. I should’ve stayed home and planted corn.”

Virtually all forums are plagued by candidates telling their audiences about how regular folks they are, with deep roots in the community, to which they wanna give back, living with a pickett fence and 2.7 children, they go to church regularly and most important, they love America. Too much time is expended on non-issues such as these.

It’s been a rare instance in which I came away with a forum more enlightened or better prepared to make a decision on endorsement or who to vote for.

Most recently, I got on the Internet to watch televised interviews with 72nd District candidates Jennifer Antel and Steve Johnson, one of the more interesting races this year, and regarding the forum in Kentwood I was horribly disappointed.

If I didn’t know either of the candidates or if I wasn’t paying attention to the issues over the past several years, I would have had a hard time distinguishing between the two. They seemed to agree on virtually everything. Underneath the polite veneer, I know there are differences, but the public was not let in on it.

I don’t know if it’s because the questions are sophomoric or if it’s because the candidates do want to make trouble. But someday, I’d like to see and hear some fireworks. Until then, I’ll avoid these well-meaning spectacles as much as I can.

“No matter who you vote for, the government always gets in.” — The Bonzo Dog Band