Yes It Is, It’s True: I choose Canada for the Fourth of July

“You can run but you can’t hide” dates back to a taunt made by boxer Joe Louis during his fight against Billy Conn in 1941, according to Wikipedia.

“There must be some kind of way outta here, said the joker to the thief. There’s too much confusion here, I can’t get no relief.” — Bob Dylan, “All Along the Watchtower”

I’ve been lip flapping for more than five years about Michigan’s uber permissive fireworks law, but now I’ve decided to do something personally about it.

I’m taking off with my wife this weekend for a five-day stay in Canada over the Independence Day holiday next week. It’s not that I’m not patriotic. The biggest reason is that I want to run away from obnoxious, noise and annoying fireworks.

I’ve learned over the last five years in Michigan that indeed you can run, but you can’t hide.

My old fishing buddy and I a couple of years ago went to a secluded cabin on the Pere Marquette River near Baldwin and we were assaulted and insulted by the launched devices while we were trying in vain to enjoy a quiet campfire. It seems Bubba and Billy Bob made the trip north for the holiday as well, but for opposite reasons. They wanted to raise some hell and make a lot of noise. Eee-haw!

The situation has gotten so toxic that my old angling buddy proposed we get the hell out of Michigan on Saturday, July 1, and not return until after the Fourth. He suggested we go to Colorado to do some trout fishing with my son, Robert, and enjoy quiet campfires in the evening.

Fireworks in Colorado are verboten, and having the campfires may not be possible as well. All for the same reason — it’s dry out there. But the proposal fell through when my son was called away to work at Volleyball USA in Minneapolis.

I have absolutely no problem with fireworks displays put together by firefighters and professionals who know what they are doing. If I was to stay in Michigan under the old fireworks rules, I’d consider going to enjoy the displays next week at Dorr, Hopkins, Green Lake or the casino.

Those displays, besides being launched by careful people and not by Bubba and Billy Bob, are confined to a certain area and a certain time.

And like old friend Tom Miller has said, permitting fireworks in every neighborhood has made them more commonplace, a lot less special, if anything, much more annoying.

The Michigan Legislature passed a law to permit fireworks everywhere for one reason and one reason only — money. Our finest in Lansing didn’t seem to give a damn, frankly, about increased possibilities for fires and injuries, some of which could be serious. They seemed to want to keep people from leaving the state to purchase fireworks.

I’ve been surprised over the years by the reactions of public safety officials. Too many of them just shrug their shoulders when called about noise complaints in neighborhoods with excuses that they can’t do anything unless they catch ‘em in the act. Actually, it feels like they don’t want to do anything about the problem.

As I have pointed out before, polls conducted by MLive have shown at least 60 percent support for repealing the fireworks law. But it doesn’t mean anything. This State Legislature, Rep. Steven Johnson included, is adept at saying, “Thank you for your input… now run along.”

So I plan to spend my tourist dollars in Canada, all because I am fleeing the noise and waste of fireworks. The only guilt I feel is that my 12-year-old Lab Pointer, Bella the Wonder Dog, will have to spend the approaching Days of Domestic Terror quaking in the basement. Poor doggie. And she’s not alone.