“He’s here, he’s there, he’s everywhere! So beware.” — Unknown Hanna-Barbera cartoon

You cannot escape death, taxes… and marketing and advertising, which is ubiquitous, meaning it’s everywhere.

If I take a walk, I see signs advertising something. If I drive my car, I see billboard signs. If I turn on my TV to watch the news, it constantly blasts its way into my living room, even during news reports about where the latest and greatest deals are. Ditto for radio. Ditto for the Internet.

Even when I went to the local gas station recently just to fill a gas can for my lawn mower — as I was filling it, I was greeted by a video on the pump, exhorting me to come inside the station for snacks and soft drinks.

You can run, but you can’t hide.

Marketing and advertising have been my ancient enemies, but getting away from them is like trying to find sanctuary from fireworks noise on the Fourth of July.

It’s become so ubiquitous that our telephones ring too often every day with calls from telemarketers attempting to sell us stuff we don’t want or need.

One of my “favorites” is from a foreigner with an accent who says, “Hello, my name is Alex and I am calling about your Windows computer.”

I tell him I don’t have a Windows computer and he responds with “Hello, my name is Alex and I am calling about your Mac computer.”

Many others are recorded messages of Barack Obama, or Wayne LaPierre of the NRA, or some pleasant-sounding woman who tells us we wanted some sort of credit check (which we never did). One troubling and even more sophisticated call came from a woman who responded to my questions like a real person, but I later learned she was programmed to respond to certain expected questions.

It doesn’t stop there. I get inundated by unwanted solicitations via e-mail, some of which are peddling life insurance, miracle cures for ailments, jobs from home, all kinds of products and services, and, of course, the Nigerian prince who wants to give you millions of dollars if you just pay the shipping costs. But the most common are for male enhancement pills and photos of scantily-clad young women saying they are “hot and ready,” like Little Caesar’s.

Many tell me there is a remedy, but there really isn’t. I’ve been told there is a “do not call” list, but too many of these nefarious companies have found ways to get around them, so we still get annoying robocalls and unwanted interruptions at the dinner table.

The Internet provides “unsubscribe” options at the bottom of the clandestine ads, and clicking on them and adding your e-mail address only seems to encourage them to send you more. They temporarily satisfy you by reporting your e-mail address has been unsubscribed, but it’s a lie.

My hatred for marketing and advertising has grown so much that I don’t watch television, don’t listen to radio, don’t travel much and only get on the Internet because I have to in order to keep this on-line rag doing its job. At least on the Internet I can avoid noise from the obnoxious hucksters.

Speaking of noise, a Facebook friend, Maureen Slider of Allegan, who was a close friend of my sister’s many years ago at Wayland High School, reported she bought a loud and annoying whistle she plans to use whenever she gets a telemarketer’s call. I am amused and curious. I hope she reports the results.

To be sure, some folks say it isn’t fair to punish the poor slobs who make the calls for the evil companies, working at dirt poor wages from faraway lands, but we consumers have to fight back in any way we can. Though long ago we’ve told our lawmakers we wanted something done about this invasion of privacy problem, they have done virtually nothing on our behalf.

Documentarian Adam Curtis more than once has opined that politicians and lawmakers have reached the point in which they are unable to solve problems for the people they are supposed to serve. I agree, and that’s why I hate them almost as much as marketers and advertisers.

“Is there anybody here tonight who’s in marketing or advertising? Good. Do me a favor, go out and kill yourselves… You’re worthless, you’re Satan’s little helpers… I’m not kidding… suck a tailpipe…”

— The late, great comedian and truth teller Bill Hicks