Yes It Is, It’s True: We really do need to talk about, not hide suicide

The obituary notice published last week for Dustin Van Harn, 18, of Leighton Township, truly was one of the most unusual I have seen in my more than 40 years in community journalism.

The sad story was brutally and refreshingly honest in that it acknowledged the possibility the talented teen-ager took his own life. Few parents and friends of the dearly departed have such courage to be honest. On the contrary, many who have death notices published deny to the world and to themselves that suicide could have been the reason.

Denial of suicides, particularly for young people, is destructive to the overall well being of our communities. It perpetuates a lie and it keeps us from having a serious and fruitful conversation about the subject.

I personally witnessed a tragic suicide that became even worse because of the effort to cover it up. I choose to change the names to protect the innocent.

I used to have a friend who was a baseball and basketball coach who later became a school administrator in West Michigan. He was a very driven workaholic who didn’t spend a great deal of time with his wife, son and daughter. Think of the Harry Chapin song “Cat’s in the Cradle.”

My friend and I lost touch more than 20 years ago, but I then learned he had divorced his wife and had minimal contact with the children.

I was shocked and saddened to read the obituary of his son, whom he called “Roscoe,” at the tender age of just 19. I was even more shocked to read more about his death in a story that appeared in the Grand Rapids Press just days later.

Roscoe had hanged himself in jail. The Press reported that the parents asked the authorities not to report it because it was a suicide. The sheriff’s department complied with the request, but somehow somebody at the paper thought something fishy about a 19-year-old dying so suddenly and wanted to find out why.

The story was about how Roscoe had been arrested more than once and had gotten into an altercation with his cell mate before his body was found.

My wife and I received a letter from Roscoe’s mother afterward. She explained that he had somehow gotten into drugs and despair, and finally ended his life because it had become such a mess. His mother, when contacted by the Press about the story, simply commented, “We’re just heartbroken.”

Indeed. A terrible development was made worse by a seemingly innocent effort to hide the truth from the public.

Some people get away with not telling the truth or perhaps telling only half-truths. While we may believe it protects the privacy of those close to the victim, it keeps us from understanding and perhaps reducing the incidence of suicide in our modern society.

Rest in peace, Roscoe. I hardly knew you.